Father: It just became real.

My brain to this point has yet to fully grasp the thought of being a father. Even though my wife's belly has been very persuasive in trying to convince me of this fact, I have yet to fully grasp the reality that sometime around the beginning of February my wife and I will be parents. That is until yesterday...

Monday January 12th, 5:02 p.m. I find myself staring blankly at the screen of a cash register reading $12.46. We have been through all the baby showers and are now left to purchase the necessary baby supplies on our own. Once all the gift cards and money has been said and done we are left to pay $12.46 to complete our registry. This is the moment standing in the middle of babies'r'us that it hits me. I am about to be a father. Surprisingly my reaction is not a good one. I feel angry, scared, and defensive.

My body language and tone of voice quickly indicate to my wife that there is something wrong. She being the non-confrontational and loving wife assumes I am somehow angry over the $12.46 we are having to spend and she begins to apologize. i tell her its not a big deal and we quickly load the car and make our way home. Once at home i find myself frantically putting together a stroller, swing, and pack-n-play. My panic continues to rise as the only instructions included are in spanish. the next hour goes by in a whirl wind as I frantically try to assemble the items as if when I have put them together I will instantly be ready for parenthood.

Finally everything is together and I sit back on the couch as my adrenaline slows down. I make eye contact with my very pregnant wife for the first time since we left babies'r'us hours ago. With a concerned look on her face and a soft voice she asked me, "Are you okay?" I look around the living room, that is now full of boxes, foam, and newly assembled baby products. "I thought this would be a fun experience, I'm sorry your upset." my wife says before I have a chance to comprehend the first question.

That's just it. This was supposed to be a fun and joyful experience. I however managed to take the joy out of the event with worry, anxiety, and stress. What caused this? The answer is simple yet humbling...I am selfish. Having a child can be one of the most stressful, trying, and difficult times of your life if you let it.

Over the past few days the anticipation of welcoming baby boy into our lives is undeniable. There are boxes at the end of the driveway displaying the newly purchased stroller and car seat. When you walk into the house there is a box full of diapers and pacifiers where books used to be on the side table. Bottles are surrounding the sink washed and waiting. I now have to crawl in bed from the bottom instead of the side because my path is blocked by the pack-n-play. My dog even knows something is up as a stroller sits in the place by the window where he used to lay in the sunlight each morning.

One thing I don't want to hear my wife say during the course of our lives as parents is, "This was supposed to be fun." There will be times when we are tired, stressed, angry, and selfish as parents, but I now know I cannot allow my selfishness to over shadow the blessing of parenthood.